truth: games

Games are tiring. All the waiting, pushing and pulling, all the effort we put into reading mixed signals and the getting even by trying to be vague ourselves. It’s exhausting.

For once I’d want to say how I really feel without worrying about having to put up an effective defense mechanism. That’s why love songs are so haunting… We never knew something beautiful can be produced from the things we can’t say out loud. Is that even possible? Can people be truly honest without expecting anything? Can people truly say what they feel without setting themselves up for disappointment? Say you take time to organize your thoughts, and come up with sweet phrases, muster enough confidence to say how you feel about someone… Do you just leave it at that?

Isn’t it that by expressing how you feel, you are also asking a question? I like you. (Do you like me too?) I want to stay like this. (Can I? May I?)

I wish I weren’t as clumsy with the words that I really mean. And I wish my fear of rejection isn’t hinged on my throat. But they are. So in the mean time, let me carry on as the girl who will show you everything she feels and tell you none.